The "Would haves" of Motherhood.

Never in a million years do I regret the decision to become a mother.   Both of my sons have beautiful, independent talents that have grown along with them into adulthood and parenthood.   I do, however, have some "would haves", that if I were to turn back time,  wish someone would have shared with me.....

1.  Make stressful moments into "KODAK" moments!    There are so many memories that I have of me stressing out in messy situations that I could have instead taken a photo and made a "KODAK moment, seeing them as fun memories to chalk up as experience.   For example, the time that the boys colored all over my mother's back patio; the time that they decided to use scissors to open up their bean bags and make a winter wonderland out of their bedroom; the nights we used Lamb Chop to visit about our days when things seemed bleak; the times one of the kids had tantrums in the store so that we could share with their own kids to see that maybe their parent's independence rubbed off on them; the thousand candy wrappers found under the beds; and the hole in the wall when someone "supposedly" broke into the house; and so, so many more!

2.  Be a stay-at-home mom, if at all possible.   Being a single mom for most of my children's lives made this a bit difficult, but a couple of my jobs allowed me to work my hours with the school's hours so I could drop them off and pick them up.  But there were so many missed moments when my kids were at day care - first steps, first words, etc.  These should be shared between parents and kids as often as life will allow.  Also, find out about their day as soon as you are with them.   Their memories work much better than before becoming distracted with other things.   They also like to know that their day is important to you

3.  Keep pressing on - even when your boys are kicked out of Primary :)    Trying to take active kids to church is a challenge - especially when you're flying solo as a parent.   BUT,  I would have, should have never given up in this department.   Keep pressing on even when it's tough.  The kids get more out of spiritual surroundings than you realize.

4.  Always, always have family and night time prayers and scripture reading together.   We did well in this department at times.   Going back - I would have been more consistent in such an important life habit.   I know my sons won't forget rising at 5:30 in the morning to have scripture reading and family prayer before I headed off to work.  At first it was a struggle to get two teens out of bed so early....after time, they were the ones making sure it was done.    It was worth it!

5.  Make sure they know ALL of their living relatives and more about their ancestors.    Being from a military family we had family members from coast to coast across the country.   This made it difficult for the kids to know all of their relatives; some of which was beyond my control.   It is something that I wish I would have been more diligent in.....letting them know that their family members outside of their little world circle were just as important as the ones that they saw on a regular basis.

6.  More one-on-one dates with each of my kids.   Granted, we had a lot of time to do things as the three of us.    In some sense we were like the 3 Musketeers.  However, each child needs that alone time with their parent (each parent) every now and then.

7.   Listen more - lecture less.   Yes, oh yes, it's our job to teach our children.  They in turn have a lot to teach us.   I would have taken the time to learn more from them.  At times, I felt like a lecture factory and broken record.

8.  Have their friends over more!    Get to know their friends and let them know they are important to you because they are important to your kids.  It was always a great compliment when my kids' friends enjoyed spending time in our home.   Some of them would come over for family night...others just for the food.   I miss those days and wish we had done more of that.

9.  Show them more sunsets and sunrises.    When we lived in Southern Utah we discovered that we had beautiful sunsets - I'm sure we had them in the south as well, but couldn't see them often through the trees.   Jump in the car when you see a beautiful sunset and drive to the best spot with your kids to show them the wonders of nature  (even when they think its inconvenient and that you're a little crazy).  Watch late night meteor showers or look at the stars.   Go on hikes....get out of the house and LEAVE THE ELECTRONICS turned OFF!

10.   Love unconditionally and forgive often.   Let your kids know often how much you mean to them.   No matter what mistakes they will make along the way (and they will), let them know they are loved, validated, and forgiven.  They won't have the world as their support group...you ARE their support group.

Being a parent is the most rewarding thing we can do in this life.  It's been said repeatedly that motherhood is a constant guilt-trip.   "Am I doing it right?  Should I have done this or that?"   Looking back I don't have many regrets at all.   These are some of the things that I have learned over the years that I'd like to share with each of you.   We don't seem to be great at parenting until our own children are grown and becoming parents themselves.   But,  we can learn from those that maybe did some things right...and have some "would haves".    Bye for now and happy parenting!